up2in2

... begins with a single step (or perhaps a single revolution of the wheels on my wheelchair).

It seems that I've managed to almost get myself killed again (stay tuned for further postings for details on my unabashed brushes with death over the years). I've spent five and one-half of the last nine weeks in a hospital; the previous six weeks I spent lying down because of a back injury; and for the last quarter of 2004, most of 2005, and the first half of 2006, I was avidly practicing the art of self-destruction.

The last four months of my life have been filled with physical pain and emotional uncertainty. Sometime in September I reached a life-long nadir... some will to live smoldered deep inside in me: what to call it I don't know, but IT has surely carried me through these times.

It is often said, "What does not kill, will make one stronger." I would like to amend this to "What does not kill provides an opportunity to learn and become stronger." To accept the popular version is to reduce life to simple if-then proposition that depends little on how we respond to what we experience. I counter this with the postulate that life is, in fact, choice; that is, we are not defined merely by our past experience... but the degree to which we exercise our will and ability to choose in this moment determines who we are.

So, at this low-point in my life, I will be more interested in blogging my responses in the moment than to looking back as if the past determines the now or the future. Of course the past is important for reflection and context... my hope is to know what's back there yet keep looking ahead.

If life were a motorcycle ride, I'd give respect to cops and traffic in the mirrors, and I would drive the road ahead... careful not to give too much energy to potholes and insignificant obstacles. Managing bumps and such is surely something worthwhile: just ask my friend Johnnie Sprocket http://www.beatsgriffracing.blogspot.com/ He hit a bump and somebody screamed... you should have heard just what I seen.



Here's a picture of my loyal companion, Barney. He's the yellow one. He's also a love-bug.

U5M.